NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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