I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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