He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
