someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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