I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
