youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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