I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
