I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't think brook has ever known best
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
