wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
