glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
