Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
