I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
