I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and she was petting her beer can
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
