I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
