One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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