you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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