I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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