I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
