I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You made out with two different species that night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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