It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
