listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
