summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
