i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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