Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
