im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She told me I should be a condom model.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
