She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Someone shit on the floor
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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