last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Non-Jews are for practice
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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