3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
