my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Operation Purity has been aborted
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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