Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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