she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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