her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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