I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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