thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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