Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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