I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
