Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
