yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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