every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
