I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have aggressive nipples.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
