He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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