Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
