You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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