Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
