dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
