Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
