Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
