my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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