ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
