You made me cry and you don't even care
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
