I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
