Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
