Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
