you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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