I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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