MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
