Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
