I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
